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Friday, November 11th 2022

What's It Like to Date A Mexican?

Written by

Rafael Bracho

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What's It Like to Date A Mexican?

Introduction:

What’s It Like to Date A Mexican

For those expats that are living in Mexico, there are likely several that are dating Mexicans. It can be an interesting cultural experience to date someone from another country. Values, traditions, customs, and social mores will often be different—and this can cause conflict.

We asked a group of expats dating or married to Mexican partners what it’s like to date a Mexican. These were YOUR answers:

Cultural Differences

What’s It Like to Date A Mexican

Many expats were quick to point out that there were many cultural differences between Mexicans and those of their home country. Some expats mentioned small differences, whereas others brought up huge differences that caused conflicts in their relationship.

**One woman said: **

“I think the biggest differences are the cultural norms and behaviors. Mexicans can do things that drive gabachos nuts. They just don’t understand why we would do it this way and vice-versa. Family tends to be issues of contention or misunderstanding. For example, me calling my mom every second day and him calling his mom only on special occasions. It’s not good or bad, just different.”

One man said:

“Married to my Mexican husband 5 years next month. Together 7 [years]. I would say the biggest difference between Mexican and US relationships I’ve had is that family is a bigger deal here. YMMV of course. I have also perceived a bit more possessiveness on the part of Mexicans compared to US, but I kinda like that, as long as it’s low key. These are generalizations, for sure.”

**One woman said: **

“1) One of you wakes up like they have caffeine flowing through their veins and the decibels from their voice makes you deaf. The other one prefers darkness and quietness until the coffee kicks in.

  1. At parties, one of you is the target and victim for everyone giving you tequila shots and trying to get you drunk. The other one is the primary perpetrator.
  1. Both of you own watches, but only one of you uses it correctly and magically arrives on time for every appointment, for the other one is just a fashion accessory.
  1. one of you constantly turns on the AC, the other one sneaks up behind and turns it off.”

One man said:

“Honestly, you marry not only your partner, but also the whole family. Expect to go on vacation with your partner, and, if possible, his/her mom. Expect mommy to move into your home. Expect to take care of the whole family for the rest of their lives.”

One woman said:

“[Things I’ve noticed about Mexicans is] If you don't work 6 days a week, you aren’t making enough. You don’t ask guests to bring food or drinks to your party, and if they do it’s going into the community supply.

Don’t take meds until you’ve tried grandma's tea or root concoction. If mom tells you to talk to her shaman, you might have to light 3 candles in your bathroom for a week to cleanse your soul.

Don’t let the house have no tortillas. Hot sauce goes on everything. Dancing is always necessary. Be manly and macho until the banda sings a love song, then drunkenly cry-sing.

He likes animals but doesn’t treat them like children like Americans. [He’s] always late. If the party starts at 3, it’s actually better to go at 5. Weddings and quinceañeras last 3 days and if it’s your event, you’re hosting for 3 days. If 20 people ask if they can stay at your house for said event, you don’t tell them no.

Always make 3x as much food as you think you need. Always try to fix it first before calling a professional, even if the professional has to fix what you did now too. Have a large figurine of Guadalupe. Never let the house not have tequila, rice, and beans.

[He’s] somewhat macho at times, but he also never lets me pay or carry heavy things or do the dirty jobs. . . and with that, he will always take care of his family and never complains if we need something and he works extra for it.

[And he] believes that somehow things always work out as they should. . . He has an ability to live day by day with no stress.”

One man said:

“No matter how much Spanish you know, and how much English your partner knows, there will be expressive communication challenges. Verbal communicating on an emotional level in a foreign language is tough. . . And this one may have been more of an issue in my particular case, more than a generality, but there was lots of social pressure to stay in a relationship, which started very quickly after the dating phase started.”

Another woman said:

“Every culture has different protocols and customs. My son married a Filipina. She briefed him on their dating protocol, how to approach her parents. . . etc, and that there were certain rules when addressing elders.”

One man said:

“Just because People are humans, does not mean the cultures are the same. . . I’m married to a Hispanic woman, and have been for almost 15 years. By the way she feels the exact same way. The cultural aspect is a completely relevant question.”

One woman said:

“I have found Mexicans to be a bit shorter than other non-Mexicans I have dated. Most Mexicans like chili and lime on their food.”

One woman said:

“There are absolutely differences and sometimes it’s great. (I have a village to help raise our kids.) And sometimes, it sucks because Mexican women are allowed so little independence and autonomy, it’s very hard for them to understand me. . . They definitely want bigger families. My husband wanted to marry young (we married when he was 22) and he wants 6 kids. That’s very different from my culture.”

One man said:

“Women in Mexico aren’t sensitive and don’t get offended like American women who get offended by every little thing you say.”

Meeting in the Middle

What’s It Like to Date A Mexican

Many expats commented that there were cultural differences between Mexicans and the people from their home country—but it was necessary to meet in the middle when you’re dating or married to a Mexican.

One man said:

“I’ve posed the same question to my Mexican gf before: what it’s like to date me (Canadian) s her past exes (all Mexicans). Yes, there’s a HUGE cultural difference, good and bad on both sides. . . I’ve been with my Mexican gf for a year now, it has ups/downs and you have to meet halfway and compromise… just like any relationship, but also factor in the cultural differences.”

One woman said:

“Lots and lots of differences, I have no idea where to start. . . Most people meet in the middle somewhere and create something new.”

One woman said:

“Of course there are differences, but culture as a whole is one thing, and dating/personal relationships are another.”

One man said:

“Life in Mexico reminds me of life in Quebec in the 1950s. More family values, more respect for the elders, more conservatism and women wanting the men to pay on dates… The cultural differences can be a source of discussion, but a compromise is always possible. I am presently dating a Mexican and all is well.”

Another woman said:

“Meh. I had two babies with him and they got me my permanent residency. [shrugs] I’d call that a win.”

Some Stressed their Common Humanity

What’s It Like to Date A Mexican

Many people stressed the common humanity that we all share. They stressed that we are all individuals and that we can’t make generalizations about all people from a certain country.

One man said:

“It’s like dating a person, but en español.”

One woman said:

“I go more towards a cultural thing. The experience will be different if the Mexican used to live in a small town with traditions like throwing a big party and inviting the whole town and spending (literally) a million pesos for that get-together with neighbors. . .”

One man said:

“People in Mexico are as different as people in the rest of North America. Someone from Central Mexico or Veracruz can be very progressive, while people from Northern Mexico tend to be very conservative. . . In Yucatan, you will see a huge difference dating people from Merida than in the towns. And in Merida itself you will see a huge difference dating a woman from ‘society’ than someone from a more proletariat background.”

They Are Happy with Their Mexican Partners

What’s It LIke to Date A Mexican

For the most part, expats say that they are happy in their relationships with their Mexican partners.

One woman said:

“I’m married to a Mexican, (yucateco to be exact) and it was difficult at first culturally. I’m very blunt and open, his family are more humble and shy. People thought I was rude (until they got to know me).

He’s not typically machista but some of his values did clash a lot with mine at first. We have both changed a lot over the years though, adapting to one another. His humour is quite crude, typically Mexican.

We met on holiday in Mexico, just by chance through his cousin who I had met a couple of days earlier. I’ve never been in a relationship with someone that was this dedicated to me—ever—or this protective over me (without it being overbearing), so that’s how it was different. I’ve always been independent, but with him, I’ve learned to step back and relax. He likes to look after me. I used to try and pay for our dates, dinners out, but he would get offended. So then we struck a deal that he’d give me his card. I would pay, so it looks to everyone like I’m paying but it’s actually him. Just old habits we’ve created that make us laugh when the waitress looks shocked.”

One man said:

“It’s different. More intense, at least in my experience. If your love interest has family in town, expect them to not be involved at first, then suddenly appear in a big way. There’s a lot to say on the topic you raised. It’s really important to pay close attention to what’s happening and not assume that the culture you come from is the same as the one in which you find yourself. For instance, there are linguistic landmines to watch for. Be careful, but enjoy it. I married a Oaxaqueña about a year ago and I would never turn back. It takes more work than the usual amount of patience and care. It’s been well worth it in my case.”

One woman said:

“Married a Mexican guy. He has more melanin than me and speaks Spanish. Also, great hair! 10/10 would recommend. [thumbs up]”

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